Irn Bru Banned in England

Funny story written by Roy Turse

Friday, 27 February 2009


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made in Scotland from girdles

In a move indicative of a widening gap between Scottish and English law, the British Government today introduced a law which bans Irn Bru from sale in England. Ministers point out that if Scotland can take unilateral decisions along these lines, then so can England.

Irn Bru is a soft drink produced in Scotland and has been available for over one hundred years. Although it is available around the world, it is not yet common outside Scotland and the ban may reduce the chance of it being accepted elsewhere. After Coca Cola and Pepsi, Irn Bru is the best selling carbonated soft drink in the UK, mainly because of its sales in Scotland.

The Government has indicated that the reason for the ban is partly due to the 0.002% ammonium ferric citrate in the drink, but mostly because Scotland was banning loads of stuff.

"It can only be good for the country if people stop thinking about the economy and start thinking about Irn Bru", said one minister, "This ban could improve consumer confidence and reduce 'orange tongue' overnight."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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