For years it has been a vague Tory promise to level the North, promoted endlessly by the PM as a hopeful slogan. This week the detailed plans have finally been published in a fifty page report, and Northerners are unlikely to be pleased. It explai…
We’re back! It only takes a global pandemic to drag us away from our day jobs of hanging around local pharmacies in case the methadone patients want to trade green liquid for shiny beads. We’ve headed across to Brazil because, even though everyon...
A man was removed from an ASDA in Plymouth after becoming enraged at a number of “Gay Pride Gnomes” that the megastore was selling. The man who is known locally for his love of bellowing at pigeons and claiming tall trees are part of the “queer a...
Facebook has banned swivel-eyed lunatic, Tommy Robinson, page after official sources said: "The page breached our official guidelines on hate speech." Which is a polite way of saying “we’re all well sick of seeing our grandparents sharing his f...
Atheist fundamentalist and evolution crackpot MC Dickie Dawkins, has today befuddled his swathe of bleating disciples by unveiling his previously hidden desire to be a pop star. At a recent Saatchi and Saatchi sermon, he broke off and left the sta...
A UK Lottery winner has told the world how to blow 1,8 million quid in 5 minutes in a BBC interview and does not expect one ounce of sympathy; well he aint going to get any. He listed his purchases and is claiming a place in the "Guiness book of r...
In a shock revelation, Iranian President Avadmedinnerdad has revealed that he will allow his "country" (read 14th Century confederation of warring factions) to sell their controlling interest in the well-known aircraft modelling firm, Airfix. "We...
As the lift doors slide open in the lobby of a London hotel, a short, comical looking figure steps incongruously into a Mêlée of designer-suited businessmen, shakers and movers, deal-makers and well, generally important people. Head down and weari...
Chancellor Osborne (Ozzie to his mates - more later) has announced his plan for the rescue of the British economy. "We will announce new taxation rates that will take the average British family's annual bill to approximately 112.376% of their annu...
A major high street bank is today at the centre of a storm of controversy over claims its latest advert is not complete shit and fucking annoying. The advert, launched this week, features none of the trademarks that the British public have come to...
A massive row has broken out after an Essex Labour candidate "need we say any more ?" called the Queen a "parasite" and likened her to "vermin". Peter White, or Comrade "oh" Shite as he is now known in Labour circles, used the arsebook networking...
Twitter, one of the fastest growing communication methods on the planet, has filed a class action suit in Federal Court against manufacturers of a new system called "Twatter." An attorney for the group said "This is obvious trademark infringement.
Indiana University professor Dr. Jack Roy Smithton is probably the most arrogant prick on campus. The snobby bastard has been known to glorify himself in lectures, speaking of himself as a so-called "expert" on any number of topics. He never fails to...
In a recent decision that has shocked the nation, Russell Brand was proved to be conceptually, figuratively and literally an enormous person (twat). The revelation came as a unique revelation to a large person who was formerly and concurrently a...
After waiting in the cold New York Winter for nearly three hours 16 year-old Kristin Myers finally was invited up to the prestigous TRL Studio. "It was really cold that day and my friend Jenny and I were super-excited when they told us we could g...
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