Chancellor Osborne (Ozzie to his mates - more later) has announced his plan for the rescue of the British economy.
"We will announce new taxation rates that will take the average British family's annual bill to approximately 112.376% of their annual income!"
"This will be a triumph for for the economy and will result in 29 million new taxpayers!" trumpets Mr Osborne at his £6.6 million home.
"By changing taxation capture to an inclusive philosophy whereby we all owe more than we can possibly pay, we create many new jobs in the tax recovery sector, primarily in the South East, which is all that really matters".
Mr Osborne continued "You ask me why my friends call me Ozzie - it is because I am a slightly deranged twat, with ideas beyond my station, but hey - I am the Man!"
When asked to comment further, Mr Osborne stated that he was only a fading rock star and why the fuck are you asking me these questions?
