William Hague - My Fake Diary

Tuesday, 24 April 2012

I've spoken to my US counterpart Hillary Clinton, about the suspicious death of businessman Neil Heywood in China. Discussions have also taken place between British and US officials in Beijing.

On a more important note, my manicurist has been arrested and charged with having sex with young boys, so I'll have to find another one, but it will be hard, he was so good.

One of my personal assistants Bartlomiej says he knows a manicurist called Angelico that is understanding and talented - so I've arranged to meet him in a hotel room to see how he performs.

The new gardener Nigella is settling in nicely, next week he starts his outdoor duties.