William Hague - My Fake Diary

Wednesday, 4 January 2012

My assistant Lucien had to call out my Harley Street Doctor, Dan Gellin Long to tend to me this morning.

After an hour and a half hours of intense treatment, he declared that there was no danger of the split finger nail causing any fatal conditions or diseases, gave me prescription for some medical morphine, and Vaseline, a quick cuddle, and off he went.

My personal assistants Julian and Lucien came in to give my painful digit a comforting massage afterwards. Later they got round to my finger.