William Hague - My Fake Diary

Monday, 21 November 2011

I was reading in that rag the Mirror, that they seem to think that the Coalition is not really interested in the unemployment figures, well that's hogwash and poo.

I personally have increased the employment level.

I have two chauffeurs, a butler, four domestic staff from Romania, one from Nottingham, and two from Poland, and that helps to keep the Euro-harmony going.

Not to mention the eleven security guards, and the CCTV monitoring staff, and the footman, waiting staff, wine-cellar chappy, the gardeners, and my personal assistants, Julian, Lucian, Wilberforce, Juan, and their assistants.

And how many executive jobs did I save when I decided to rescue Barclay's Bank? Thanks I might add to my beloved Ffion, a paid Barclay's Bank Advisor, advisedly advising me to.

I just don't understand the slubberdegullion masses not appreciating this.

Anyway, I'm going to see the writer, Juan Sweety, who's writing my biography in a hotel room later, if I get time, to mention this to him.

I've just been told I have to meet Syrian rebel leaders in London today as the UK seeks to increase the pressure on President Bashar Assad.

They are to meet me after months of diplomatic contact behind-the-scenes apparently?

Well I'm not meeting them in a hotel bedroom I can tell you!