Simon Cowell - My Fake Diary

Thursday, 15 August 2013

Dear Diary - It looks like I have gone and stepped smack dab in a pile of you-know-what.

What was I thinking when I got involved with that Lauren Silverman woman. I mean, she isn't even my type. I like them young and the old gal is 36.

I knew that I should have used a condom but the old witch kept saying that she'd had her tubes tied and there was no way she could ever get pregnant.

I sure do miss my Carmen. She was such a fantastic woman and she knew more positions than a slide trombone player.

One never knows, maybe the baby will turn out to be her husband's or even some other bloke's. Gosh I hope so.

Simon Cowell