Ray Mears - My Fake Diary

Monday, 24 March 2008

Alan was frightened of my dominance, but it had to be done, so off he cycled into the sunrise. He left me to walk in that direction and to be honest I was pretty cut up about letting him go.

Had to go to for a crap today so I sat on a sunbaked rock, which burnt my bottom and fried my haemerroids - ouch!

No ants around thank goodness. When I finished my dump, I found a piece of paper in my pocket big enough to wipe my arse. It turned out to be a letter from Alan confessing his true thoughts.

It read...