Ray Mears - My Fake Diary

Thursday, 20 March 2008

"Wake up! Wake Up! " Alan shouted

I had obviously had a nightmare featuring some of the people I have met this year.

"It's OK" Alan reassured me.

"Could you help me slide into these Lycra short mate? Wae hae man we've only got another 80 miles to go before we hit the North coast of Africa - two day's in this heat at the most and we should have almost done three quarters of the journey!"

"Have you got any more of them goat scratchigs? I'm hungry." he said. "I'm thirsty too - my throat is as dry as a Buzzards crotch"

"I know how you feel mate, mine is as dry as a Nun's Nasty! I shall find something to quench our thirst and also something to nibble on to give us enough energy to complete the last 80 miles. That fat Git Chiles has ate them all."

I began looking under all the stones, until...