Ray Mears - My Fake Diary

Thursday, 6 March 2008

Just then Ozzie returned.

"Allah be praised! That was good. how are you two getting on?" he asked.

"Oh fine, Ralph was telling all about Bush and how devious (what politician isn't?) he is."

"Let's have some breakfast my friends." Ozzie said invitingly."The goat's kidney's are particuarly good and I heartily recommend them."

"I got the horn."Nader muttered.

"I knew Nader was still thinking about those virgins - like a man possessed and had to cover up his last statement.

"Err Ralphie that's a hoof, not a horn. That's the best bit of the goat and will put hairs on your chest. Tell me how old are you?"

"I'm 40" (politicians never lie, and at least Nader got it half right).

Ozzie intejected; "Hairs on your chest? No that's wrong... mummy always told me it would put hairs on your chin...goat, goat glorious goat! Look it works!"

He looked around furtively and whispered to us "It also puts hairs in other places - my virgins have undergowth like a thousand rainforests."

This proved too much for Ralphie and he fainted.

Ozzie said; "It must be sunstroke!" and got some of his servants to take the 'young', goblin-type figure into a darkened room..

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