Prince William - My Fake Diary

Thursday, 26 January 2012

Oh welcome all to my, specifically remarkable diary, which I shall write to in case of emergency of needing to get some information and personal feelings out.
I want to begin by saying, well, I HATE my wife! The night before our wedding day, she had sex with Prince Harry in the Queen's office while the Queen was doing a tap dance with George Bush masturbating in the corner.
George secretly filmed this and put it on his Facebook page. Barbara expressed shock and disapproval of what George had done and spanked him, which my wife secretly filmed and hacked into my Facebook to then publish it for everyone to see under my name. The b*tch refused to apologise and told me I was worthless.
To get revenge, I hacked into her account and deleted five of her Facebook friends so now, I have four more friends than she has! SUCK that if you can!
After our wedding, she threatened to push me off the bed during a heated sex session if I didn't get down on her and fast. Of course I didn't and she threw me out the balcony when the Queen catched a naked Prince William. She fainted in shock and yep, you can guess, the police came post haste to the scene and I was arrested for indecent exposure and manslaughter according to them. In court, she refused to provide me an alibi as to my whereabouts during a secret meeting I was completely unaware about. She texted her name and my name to 1900 COM-PAT-IBLE and it told us we were 5% compatible so she threw her wedding ring in the river and dumped me. I told her to stick it, little did I know, I was STILL in the courtroom when I told her this. I was arrested on the spot.
I'm typing this from a jail cell. Life sucks. I'm sharing my cell with a roommate who is a murderer and tries to murder me every night and another who is a gay rapist who is after my cute butt. I mean, it's cute and all, but get the f*ck away from it or a stinky gas will come out of it and ignite your hair on fire. Pft, if he has any hair. He reckons it gives him something to smile about. Yeah, you'll be smiling really hard when I crap on it! My only hope is to wait until Christmas time and hope Santa gives me a million bucks to GET OUT OF HERE! If he is not real, then f**k me dead I am screwed and will be headed to an early grave before next year, 2013!
Anyway, that is all for now. My rant is over. Hopefully, I am back writing here next year. If not, you know where I am. Yeah, in bed doin' my wife. Be jealous Harry! HAH!