George W. Bush - My Fake Diary

Sunday, 9 August 2009

Dear Diary,

W. Here.

I hope a lot of people saw and heard that Tiger Woods fart on the golf show last weekend.

I may have mistakenly send 500,000 men to Iraq and Afghanistan and not got FEMA going in New Orleans, but at least I never farted while making a major speech!

Well, maybe a couple of times but not so you could hear it.

After a big barbecue Texas-style with all the baked beans and beer, I'd always stuff a wad of toilet paper up my ass and that always worked for me as a muffler.

Of course, out there on the course it might not work.

Those announcers have their noses up your ass at every shot and I guess that one announcer got a good one up the nose at the Buick Open.

"And as Tiger Woods approaches the ball for his drive, a wad of what looks like toilet paper has rolled from his right pants leg. Play has now been stopped so the rules judge can make a ruling on this. He is now sniffing the paper."

Hee Hee! That would beat Cheney firing the gun in that guy's face.

The games been in the toilet ever since they started making putters that could drive the ball 400 yards, anyway.

I'm going back to Wrestling!

W.