George W. Bush - My Fake Diary

Friday, 3 July 2009

Dear Diary,

W.Here.

I've been considering using a pen name to do my biography.

I told Dick Cheney and he laughed for two minutes over the phone. I thought he was going to have another heart attack.

I don't understand what was so funny about that. Lots of writers use pen names.

What I DID think was funny was Cheney saying, "How about 'Bic'?" Now I understand Bic for a pen name.

The trouble is, where do I begin?

I realize it probably was when I was a kid but I don't think Mom would like for me to put all that down on paper.

Maybe I should ask her. SHE wrote a book about that stupid dog. She could have written about her boys but no, it was the dog.

I never did read it. I hated that dog. Had to follow along behind her and that dog with a poop scoop. Bet I walked a good part of Texas if they straightened it out.

My walking, not the dog poop. But I bet it would have stretched from Dallas to San Antonio.

I still have scars from when that thing bit me. Also from Mom who bit me after I bit the dog back.

Maybe I'll just stick with my presidency. Be safer.

Don't want to get bit.

W.