Donald Trump - My Fake Diary

Thursday, 1 October 2020

Oh God, my dear diary, which of the best words shall I use to describe my week so far?

Anyway, so people said I was shouting at Sleepy Joe Biden, but I was just raising my voice so he didn't go to sleep. That would have been disrespectful to the American President, a job that I do very well, bigly, and to the audience.

They wanted an interesting debate, you know like the ones that Simon and Garfunkel sang about, and all they got was an old man having a go at me. I am a young, virile man, full of good words. The best words. Now, where did I put my tablets? Ivana, where did you put my tablets?