Written by Gringo Lobos
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Tuesday, 22 August 2017

image for Trump.com™ launches pre-emptive nuclear attack on Guam after he heard it on Fox & Friends it was part of the North Korean problem
Well Trump.com™ did warn them they would be nuclear famous

Trump.com™ is said to very upset that North Korea is ignoring his deathly powerful tweets and his tiny ego is so incensed he has ordered a nuclear strike against Korean territories in Guam.

It has been confirmed that Guam as we know it is basically gone. After the 10 kiloton nuke exploded there remains only a boiling whole in the ocean.

Apparently Trump.com™ was unaware that Guam is actually US territory and is on the Americans side, (Editors note this should read WAS). Aides believe that Fox & Friends failed to tell the President it was part of the US territories and it seems he didn't ask anyone in the State Dept or the Military about bombing them.

In the sadly all too familiar flimsy denial word game they rolled out the typical culprits including toilet mouth Conway, who all denied that there had been any explosion at all, saying it was fake news and she had alternative facts. However when this simply looked to big to deny, they bought in a some comparative photos of Obamas inauguration and once again claimed his wonderful exalted benevolence crowds were far bigger. They then tried to cover his tracks by stating that North Korea had turned Guam into a communist terrorist hotbed, but there seems little evidence to support this claim. However the Whitehouse™ countered this with pictures of the mushroom cloud claiming this proved it was a terrorist hotbed.

Then another special spokesperson tried to hose down the errant nuke firing used the old chestnut line that Guam is really the winner here as he claimed he would make them famous and now rightly claims they are, as only the third major city nuked. But the record has been set with this being the first time the US has fired upon itself, thus this is a self inflicted wound. Though this caused outrage from the Russian Diplomats saying that their Chernobyl was the first self inflicted nuclear wound and demanded an apology.

Then in further desperate attempts at deflection, someone looking very much like Homer Simpson wandered up to the mic and gave an emotionally riveting speech for the ages, on par with the Gettysburg address. He said simply "Doh".

In a sign of compassionate atonement to former Guam citizens Trump.com™ later tweeted, "that's too bad, but it was the military's fault, they should have known Guam was on our side and anyway the stock market is at its peak and jobs are up so it ain't all bad news".

The Press asked why didn't Whitehouse staff intervene, to which the anonymous representative said, "What are you crazy, correcting the emperor will get you thrown in the dungeon, nobody is allowed to speak against Trump.com™ ideas, no matter how crazy."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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