Scientists at the National Institutes of Health announced today that they have identified the source of the mysterious infection that has brought down members of the administration.
After analyzing blood and other bodily fluids taken from Sean Spicer, Reince Priebus, Anthony Scaramucci, Michael Flynn and Steve Bannon, they stated conclusively that the one thing they all had in common was contact with President Trump.
However, the scientists stated that they do not yet know the precise mechanism by which the disease is transmitted, or whether there is a cure for it.
"Heck, we don't even know if it is a virus or a bacterium," one scientist admitted, "never mind how to contain it."
Sarah Huckabee Sanders, the current White House Press Secretary, denied rumors that members of her own staff were wearing hospital masks and sterile gloves whenever they left their offices.
House Speaker Paul Ryan denied reports that certain members of his caucus are openly talking about "nuking" the oval office, in order to destroy the infection at its source.
One thousand gallons of Purell hand sanitizer were delivered to the White House, a gift from an anonymous donor.