Written by Aspartame Boy
Rating:
Share/Bookmark
Print this

Sunday, 4 June 2017

image for The Sulk Institute Announces the New Universal Vaccination Mandate
Local dentists are explaining the process to clients

La Jolla, CA - Lizzy Lackbrain of the Sulk Institute held a major press conference today at noon to announce a new policy that will forever change how mankind protects itself from disease causing organisms.

Babys, children and adults will no longer be given vaccines made from specific organisms. Dr. Lackbrain explained that the local environment must be considered.

She explained it makes no sense to vaccinate against bugs that aren't even in your township. Everyone should be inoculated with a customized mixture consisting of organisms present in that persons environment.

Dr. Lackbrain explains she was cleaning her shoe of some canine excremental materials when the brilliant idea floored her. Everyone has a sample of all the dangerous bugs on their shoes already!

The new vaccination program consists of a simple modification to oral hygiene routines. After brushing, simply lick one of your shoe soles and take a drink of an aspartame sweetened beverage. The shoe provides the live germs and the aspartame kills them. The immune system does the rest.

On the news, vaccine company stock dove but Coke was way up.

Make Aspartame Boy's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!


More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 1 plus 2?

1 4 3 16
48 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more