Pantomime Favourite Widow Twanky has remarried Guy Ritchie. Mr Madonna's money, fell in love with Aladdin's mother, when attending a recent pantomime in Plymouth. An onlooker Greg Lake, who was there to see Father Christmas said " I was having a g...
Seventies progressive Rocker, Greg Lake famously wrote he believed in Father Christmas. This was at a time the old misery guts was going through his infamous trial- which centred around complaints against the bearded one, sneaking into kiddies bedroo...
The personal details of Spoof Writers have been revealed on-line, for all the public to wilfully ignore. The secret details were thought to be revealed by a former disgruntled volunteer, who had engaged in a bitter argument, with administrator Sir...
Celebrity scrounger Jonathan Woss, was rushed off his feet yesterday, as Woolworth slashed their prices by 2%. Ross, 51, was fined guilty of sitting on his arse and swearing with his mates, by the British Television Licence Payer. The BBC managem...
Celebrity man-slut Russell Brand, is producing a new line of aftershave, to enable all men to be as successful with women, as himmy-wimmy. Russell puts his success down to his smell, which is a combination of " testes-sweat, dog-poo, stale-sex, jo...
"Daphne Fowler from the Eggheads is not only the strongest player, she is the physically the strongest member on the Eggheads team and actually an Alien God", says a tearful and spineless, Jeremy Vine. "I have to make sure she checks all the answe...
Sleazy Sex-Loser Brand, is so sullied from his lurid sex life, his concert tickets may have to be sprayed with some form of liquid penicillin, say concerned malcontents. While scientists have dispelled the myth, 'looking Russell Brand directly in...
Dr Gerard McGarry, owner of the world's smallest balls, recently received an email from a man called George Mensah, the Head of Corporate Affairs Department with a reputable bank in Ghana. Mr Mensah said "On June 5th, 2000, a German business ty...
Media watchdog, Bollocom, cleared Jeremy Clarkson of his terrible joke telling, the big, ugly, tofty jester stated all lorry drivers were serial killers! A regulator at Bollocom, Catherine Martinique said " We appreciate people might have taken of...
Dr Gerard McGarry, the owner of the world' smallest balls, has won a 60 inch television in a internet prize draw. Dr McGarry said " When I saw the email, I almost stopped choking my wife. It said my prize was ready to be shipped by Fedex "TODAY!".
Over-paid, unfunny, acromegaly sufferer, Jeremy Clarkson, has been ordered by a court, to hand out back copies of Viz. Clarkson who is innately unfunny, has trawled through the smutty comic over the past twenty years, repeating the jokes in a mock...
Scientists have revealed that surnames are the biggest influence, in a person becoming a comedian. Conducting 2 hours of research on wikipdeia, the Sun newspaper and watching the comedy awards. The believe your surname can pre-determine if you are f...
Dirty-Sex man and slimy foul-mouthed coward Russell Brand; ran off like a baby girl, to America, after swearing at a lovely pensioner. He now has breezed back to the UK, without a care in the world to pick up some award and probably some penicillin.
Scientists from the Stan Butler University in Cockney Land, London. Have announced that seventies, Greek Songstress Nana Mouskouri is a hot mamma. "In the past she was stigmatised as a, reet boiler" said Professor Nomoney Jones. "However she shou...
The most evil woman at the moment, Karen Matthews, is the secret mother of the fictional Tracy Beaker, says me. It can be revealed by me, that evil Karen, 32 and 3/4, had Tracy when she was ten years old and then discarded her in a television p...
Fat Boy George O'Dowd, was found guilty by a group of people, that enjoy seeing celebrities brought to their knees. The 1980's pop sensation was found guilty of being fat, bald, and looking "very ordinary". He was also found guilty of the lesser c...
The cheeky lawyer intent on getting Boy George sent down, told a stunned jury "Mr Boy George is so morbidly obese, anyone can take a pop at him and win. Even a newly-born kitten with polio and one kidney, could 'see off' Culture Club-Sandwich's form...
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