Celebrity man-slut Russell Brand, is producing a new line of aftershave, to enable all men to be as successful with women, as himmy-wimmy.
Russell puts his success down to his smell, which is a combination of " testes-sweat, dog-poo, stale-sex, jock-strap, old-jism, tramps-urine and necrotic-pus".
Alone all the odors are repulsive , but when combined in the right combination, women simply drop their knickers in orgasmic delight.
A scientist at the "La Parfum du Homme, University", Grasse, France. "Oh la la, we 'ave been working on la scent for two years. We took samples of smells from Monsieur Russell's sack, back, crack and armpits. We automatically became aroused doing so-oh la-la! This was overcome by wearing gas masks, when we performed our experiments. We have now reproduced his fabulous stink ! Merci bien!, j'aime la femme!".
Russell's new man scent will be called "My Scenty-Wenty Ooo er Missus". It will be shortened to "Scenty-Wenty" in the UK, to fit on the bottle and expensive packaging. In the U.S it will be simply known as 'SKANK'.
Russell's scent not only works on the ladies, men also find it sexy. Scientists state if you smell like Brand, you will be able to be "talentless, abusive, ugly, dirty (physical and morally) and generally foul, however other men, will pay you millions of dollars, find you amusing and want to take you to the pub!"
Each bottle costs $1 to produce, but it will retail at a $350.
"It is a small price to pay to have the same success as me, with the fanny-wanny, pussy-wussy and mingey-wingey" said the man known as Brand, while pleasuring himself with a peanut-butter sandwhich.
It should be noted the peanut-butter sandwich was over the legal age of consent and showed no visible signs of STD's after the incident. However it did report to feeling a little 'itchy' down there, afterwards.