Local man, Martin Shuttlecock informed us this morning that he had a great idea for a story last night, then promptly forgot what it was and spent the remainder of yesterday evening repeatedly punching himself in the face until bed time. "I was wa...
The Center for Cultural Analysis in Berne, Switzerland has today released research which suggests that the United States of America could rise to "a new era of greatness" were the entire viewing audience of TLC were to be lobotomised. The channel,...
There was huge relief last night when it was revealed that a plane had landed safely despite FIVE seperate plots to bring it down. Flight MH 666 touched down safely in Dubai against incredible odds, and only because of some of the most inept attempts...
Simon Cowell says that he just knows that Justin Bieber pulled one of his jokes on him even though he can't prove it. "I'll fix that young twerp. He was here recently and it had to be him." Bieber denies that Cowell knows what he's talking abou...
"You go to all these motivational speeches and they get you all stirred up and ready to go after your companys competition and what happens after that?" "They arrest you." This was the complaint of George Madison as he gave a reporter the lowdo...
New Delhi: Yesterday evening Baljit Singh Dhillon, an employee at a chicken factory in the city, was admitted in No Cure Hospital and received one and a half stiches on his right hand. Your fearless reporter was sent to the hospital to take a stoc...
A billionaire fashion designer says scientists have found a way for him to spend a lot of money on something totally impossible and ridiculous. Bahamas resident Peter Nygard says he is receiving stem cell therapy and that a study from the Univer...
Lindsay Lohan told what reporters who still hang around her that she thought Duck Dynasty was the worst show she had ever seen. Those at the scene stated that she laughed and called them Hillbillies. "What is this a joke? Television ratings so...
San Francisco, CA - The 49ers public relations manager, Mr. Phlapper, told reporters tonight that the team is concerned about the global wing shortage. "We heard on the T.V. that there is a massive shortage of wings. I mean, there just aren't any...
As New Years Eve approaches and we fondly wave farewell to 2012 and welcome, with open arms and a sigh of trepidation, 2013, many people will be reflecting on the loved ones they lost in the last 12 months. "It is a time for reflection" said grief...
Recently released US government documents have shed light on George W. Bush's time as President of the United States. They reveal the sort of lunacy President Dubya's staff had to put up with during his two terms in office. We have compiled a list of ten of the most idiotic things he said and did or thought. 1) When discussing foreign affairs with his advisors Bush believed they were talk...
Another opportunity for happiness missed because I am so stupid and clueless With the possible exception of Karl Rove, I must be the stupidest, most clueless man in the United States. Belay that, mates, I am the stupidest, most clueless man on the Planet Earth! Yesterday, being Thanksgiving, I had the day off from work, and after feasting on more calories than the average Sudanese child con...
The most recent quarterly testing of New York City's water supply revealed dangerous levels of stupid in the city's water - over eighteen times the permissible levels, even by New York's lenient stupid standards (New York is second only to Georgia in...
Serious questions are being asked about the educational record of Prime Minister David Cameron. This after he was foxed by simple questions by American TV host David Letterman. Cameron spent his school years at Eton College a school which makes Latin...
A ginger-haired man in a high-visibility jacket was spotted yesterday in broad daylight trying to steal the Crown Jewels from Buckingham Palace. He was heard shouting into a megaphone with threats of "Give us the jewels or I'll call the police!"...
POLITICAL FACEBOOK President Obama: Hey Joey, did you see who "Old Mittens" finally picked to be his vice-presidential running mate? 8:01 a.m. Vice-President Biden: Yeah Barry, I just heard about it on CNN. And let me say that today is our lucky day. 8:05 a.m. President Obama: You got that right bud. Paul Ryan? Can you believe that out of all of the fairly good choices the old Mormon ha...
Barcelona - Spain:- A man caused quite a stir in this cosmopolitan Catalan city this morning, as he paraded around the city's central square, Placa Espana, wearing a placard which stated: 'I AM AN IDIOT AND PROUD OF IT!' A group of curious onlo...
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