Written by Joe Leff
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Tuesday, 25 September 2012

A ginger-haired man in a high-visibility jacket was spotted yesterday in broad daylight trying to steal the Crown Jewels from Buckingham Palace.

He was heard shouting into a megaphone with threats of "Give us the jewels or I'll call the police!"

The dim-witted 'burglar' was unable to make a quick getaway because he had a big metal safe strapped to his back ready to store the Queen's jewels. He was also carrying a 12-foot ladder.

Whilst the police and security guards were collapsing on the floor in fits of laughter, hundreds of onlookers were desperate to make a citizen's arrest.

Among them was 87-year-old Florence Webster. "I sneered at him with one of my tight-lipped looks, and he just gave himself up."

Ted Bungler, 21, of Walthamstow, is now awaiting sentence. Subsequently he might be able to undertake post-graduate studies in advanced criminology at Pentonville, where he recently sent his application.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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