Washington, DC - During a recent press conference, when asked about the growing movement to impeach him, the President surprised the gathered members of the press corps by smiling and saying, "I say, sweet! Bring it on! Bring it on hard and heav...
Looking like the old Bonanza map, Texas, seen from above by NASA satellites is totally engulfed in flames. Texans however, by nature, in the vicinity of any type of FIRE instinctively break out the grills, ribs, bibs, charcoal and most importantly,...
KANSAS CITY - Executives of Hallmark, American Greetings, and other greeting card publishers all had a common theme at this year's annual convention: the mass retirement of seventy percent of their poets within the next four years.
If ABC has it's way the only time viewers will even SEE a football player will be, A) During the coin toss and, B) During the post game WRAP-UP show. "Most folks tune in to the Super Bowl for the commercials anyway" ABC...
Congress agrees that Bush's "Mars program" will have to be put on hold if the President insists on putting a man in the middle of the planet by 2012. Senator Trent Lott said, "We simply don't have enough funds to send a man t...
Berkeley, California --Happy Holidays everyone! I had the family over for Christmas: my brother Jerry, his wife Pam, their three kids, and Aunt Vera and Uncle Carl. Also, my ninety-year-old grandmother Edna brought her new boyfriend, Harlan, who I guess to be somewhere between ninety and five hundred years old. Of course, Edna brought Penny, her fat, gassy, and blind seventeen-year-old b...
It's Field Day For Felons as the city of 8 million finds itself protected by 1 lone security guard named Zeke who says "he ain't strike'n". Zeke Tatum, "the lobby guy" at the Stop n Shop is indeed the city's last...
You know, I’ve never really given much thought to the future because I’ve always just planned on marrying a movie star and leeching off her my entire life. It’s always seemed like a good deal to me--she gets her power, independence, fame, etc, and I get to sleep in and watch the Spice Channel. Most men view women’s equality as threatening, but I disagree because I’ve never looked forward to...
CADAQUES - John Peter Moore, Salvador Dali's former personal secretary, has died at age 86 after being trapped in a Dali painting for forty-five years, the Cadaques coroner's office reported. The coroner's office confirmed Mr. Moore's identity after...
Erie Medical Center -- I want to tell everyone how I taught myself to fly an airplane without an instructor. A friend of mine has a pilot's license, and he took me for a one hour ride. Boy, that was fun! So after watching him all of that time, I th...
NEW YORK - In a stunning break with tradition, the parents of Jason Pelsky held his Bar Mitzvah at the Times Square McDonald's this past Saturday.
PATCHOGUE, N.Y. - A 37 year-old man was arrested when two toddlers he was supposed to be babysitting, were found drunk.
The anti-doping committee of the Konami "Track & Field" Association, citing rampant steroid usage amongst its competitors in the early days of competition, has stripped Japanese hexathalon legends EEE, FFF and GGG of the world records they...
WASHINGTON (AP)-Antiwar activist Cindy Sheehan has apparently won the heart of US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, with Rice suddenly agreeing with Sheehan that the US war to grab Iraqi oil was ‘illegal and immoral' on NBC's ‘Meet the Press' duri...
Washington, DC-- The nation is anxiously awaiting the results of President Bush's recently revealed, surgery.
Subway has very delicious salads as well as big bread sandwishes. Many so-called dieters love the food and love the fact that the sandwishes are soo big. Many people who have gained over a certain number of pounds have set realistic goals providing they have trainers of the opposite sex. When in the company of people of theopposite sex, the desire for more food diminishes. Conversation becomes...
Someone once proffered that there is nothing wrong with fear but fear itself. Take for example a person dealing with a bomb. He has to have nerves of steel. Why, because he has to recall everything he knows about bombs and everything he knows about disarming them. It is also like bees. We cannot run scared every time we see a bee or a bee hive. They can be dealt with successfully so that the...
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