Washington, DC - During a recent press conference, when asked about the growing movement to impeach him, the President surprised the gathered members of the press corps by smiling and saying, "I say, sweet! Bring it on! Bring it on hard and heavy. I'll be ready for ‘em this time".
When asked by Candy Crowley of CNN, how he intended to prepare for his possible future impeachment, the President grinned even wider and said, "Same way as you would Candy. I'm gonna find me a spoon and a great big bowl. Who knows, I might even send one of my secret service fellas out to find me some vanilla ice-cream".
The President carried on, "For some strange unknown reason, peoples likes to misunderestimate me. Well I'll tell ya, this time, they're gonna be in for a big surprise! I've already got Laura and the twins, down at Penneys a shoppin' around for some appropriate rain gear. I don't care how messy those impeachment fellas want to get. None of that gooey stuff is going to stick to me".
The President winked, licked his finger, tested the wind direction and continued, "I wasn't born yesterday. I've been around the block once or twice you know. Back there in Texas, when I had those boys a playin' baseball for me, I kinda got myself imgatoraided once or twice".
The President's broad grin was momentarily overshadowed by a brief remembrance of past damp, stinky and sometimes gooey baptisms. He continued, "I should have learned after that first time, with all the hushed whispers and giggles, that those boys were up to no good. But, before I could figure out what was a comin', I was doing a sticky two-step and diggin' ice cubes out of my skivvies. Well that ain't a gonna be happenin' again. Contrary to what some of those liberal gals and fellas wanna believe, I learn from my mis...mis...mis...things that don't always go the way I think they should".
Lifting his gaze heavenward, his eyes slightly glazing over, the President continued, "Dick gave me a heads up on this impeachment stuff. For some strange, sissy boy reason, that boy really seems to have his knickers in a knot about all this foolishness. Didn't they have keggers in Wyoming? Peaches in syrup have gotta beat a beer bath by a Texas mile. Them peaches may be a little sticky, but that sure has to be better than imbeerment and smellin' like the twins' hamper on a Sunday mornin'".