Looking like the old Bonanza map, Texas, seen from above by NASA satellites is totally engulfed in flames. Texans however, by nature, in the vicinity of any type of FIRE instinctively break out the grills, ribs, bibs, charcoal and most importantly, BBQ sauce. Unfortunately the recent Texas wildfires caught most Texans by surprise without adequate supplies of Bulls-Eye or BBQ sauce of any kind.
Wild fires now rage all the way from Amarillo to Laredo. Texas Governor Rick Perry made an emergency call to President Bush at his Crawford Texas ranch ..
BUSH -> You're right Governor, the fires are a'rage'n around us. Me an Laura HAVE ample supplies of BBQ sauce stockpiled but I recon millions of my fellow Texas Americans might be in danger of not having nary a drop of KC Masterpiece even.
GOVERNOR -> Correct Mr President! Can you authorize emergency sauce?
BUSH -> On the way Governor.
GOVERNOR -> Oh .. I forgot. Could you also send in emergency National Guard Fire Fighters too? We're losing a few cities as well. El Paso's long gone.
BUSH -> Rick, do you want the mild Bulls-Eye or the extra Spicy Bulls-Eye? Laura's kinda partial to the extra spicy But me, I eat what's put in front of me as long as it's barbecue.
Austin's KVUE TV talked to one Manor resident who said,
"I seen the fire comin .. that WILD fire CNN keeps show'n so I ran in, told Mildred my wife to GIT OUT the grill cause a FIRE was a'comin. DANG! Wouldn't you know it? We HAD the ribs we HAD the brisket but .. we were plum out of Bull's-Eye BBQ sauce DANG!"
California, almost in the same boat as Texas only inversely proportionately diametrically mirrored is, in fact deluged by WATER .. water which the state of Texas needs .. to put out it's wild fires. Texas Governor Perry spoke with California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger ..
PERRY -> Governor? Can you send us water?
ARNOLD -> Can DO Gov-ner. Can you send us fire? The water .. it's .. it's HEE-AH!!
PERRY -> Not a problem Governor. Oh, could you throw in a little of that snow you folks have got too? Wildfires don't seem to cotton to snow around these parts. Mainly because they never SEE it.
The Texas Senate has outlawed ALL New Years eve celebrations within the state of Texas. All firecracker poppers, bottle rocket launchers, roman CANDLE poofers will be hung by the neck until dead.
BUSH -> Isn't that going a bit too far Governor?
PERRY -> Extreme drought conditions down here Mr President. NO fireworks, NO bottle rockets. Grill'n though .. did you send the Bulls-Eye yet?
BUSH -> Laura?