Written by jd Balderdash
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Topics: Strike, Security

Friday, 30 December 2005

image for NY Mayor calls Policeman's strike Illegal
8 Million Citizens to protect, Somebody's got to do it

It's Field Day For Felons as the city of 8 million finds itself protected by 1 lone security guard named Zeke who says "he ain't strike'n". Zeke Tatum, "the lobby guy" at the Stop n Shop is indeed the city's last bastion of hope as every other police officer, meter maid, sheriff's deputy and hall monitor have basically said, "We're calling in sick."

Mayor Bloomberg threatened to throw yet another tantrum if everyone didn't "GET back to work".

Mayor Bloomberg was last seen Thursday throwing a tantrum outside a Starbucks on the south side of the Bronx.

"If the Transit folks can pull it off we can too" one Policeman's Union official said defiantly.

Crime is running rampant in New York. Felons from as far away as Guadalajara are pouring in by the illegal truckloads and Stop n Shop security guard Zeke Tatum is "ready to do battle".

Most CNN co-anchors including Soledad agree .. One lone Stop n Shop security guard cannot protect a city of 8 million people. Or can he?

Zeke, who does not have a car, OR a gun for that matter pedals around the city on his bicycle looking for crime. He doesn't have to pedal far.

"Yesterday", he said, "Yesterday I seen this .. fella, couldn't of been more than 13 run'n out of the Stop n Shop with a handful of stuff he'd not paid for. I tried to chase him down on my cycle but I hit a pothole and me and my cycle flipped over into a rhubarb patch. I'm on the case though."

The city is in chaos. Crime and prostitution are out of control. Jaywalkers walk freely and grown men weep. CNN's Soledad O'Brien broke it down for viewers saying,

"Complete and utter chaos. Even a 2 year old could crawl into a candy store, abscond with a handful of jellybeans and the store owners would be powerless to stop him. Unless, of course they simply picked him up and spanked the jellybeans out of his hand."

"Don't worry New York" Zeke Tatum told WKNA news reporters, going on to say,

"I got new train'n wheels on my cycle and heck, since we can just waltz in to a place and steal somethin, I waltzed into the gun shop and stole me a GUN. I'll be out there, me and my cycle AND my gun protect'n you fine folks .. soon as figure out how to un-cock this ..

BANG!

..

They are not calling it homicide, the death of WKNA reporter David Anderson. Even if they did, the only person who could arrest the perpetrator, Zeke Tatum, would be Zeke Tatum himself.

ZEKE -> "Don't worry New York .... I'm on it".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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