If ABC has it's way the only time viewers will even SEE a football player will be, A) During the coin toss and, B) During the post game WRAP-UP show. "Most folks tune in to the Super Bowl for the commercials anyway" ABC said "So that's what they're getting this year .. 5 solid hours of non-stop wall-to-wall back-to-back Super Bowl commercials!"
Spectators in the stadium will of course get to see the actual game but ABC is banking that with it's 680 strategically placed 100 foot "wide screen" TV's most fans at the game will have their eyes glued to the BUD BOWL commercials, this year featuring Bud Light VS Budweiser Select.
"I think Bud Light's winning this one" one excited Super Bowl XL fan said after learning of ABC's exciting news.
"Bud Select won it last year but there were some questionable calls in that game" the fan went on to add.
New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady expressed concern about the outside world not being able to witness his upcoming stellar performance. Brady told reporters,
"I sure wish folks at home could see what I've got planned for THIS Super Bowl! I'm tossing one 99 yards straight down-field during our 2nd possession on the .. oh .. sorry coach .. can you reporters delete that last remark?"
One ABC executive said,
"With over 1000 commercials planned we expect to gross 690 billion dollars off of ad revenue this game. That's up 22,000% from last year. I don't know WHY we never thought of this before."
Although it's not yet finalized, inside sources say that it's possible that ABC will not even cut to the half time show this year featuring the Pope, Cher AND the Rolling Stones.
Smart move? ABC's putting it's neck on the line but surveys do show that 92% of the viewing audience doesn't give a "Deedler's HOOT" about the actual football game. One Dallas resident confirmed that saying,
"I don't really care that much about football. I just watch because my boyfriend has his friends over for beer and wings and I DO so much love those clever Super Bowl commercials.
And clever they will be this year ..
* Coca Cola will re-enact the Battle of Gettysburg in 30 seconds, Coke being the refreshment of choice for the Union Army,
* Pontiac will BLOW the moon out of the heavens and replace it with a giant orbiting fully loaded 2006 Grand Prix that glows in the dark,
* Pizza Hut will STOP the world from spinning on it's axis then pass out free medium Thin 'N Crispy Meat Lovers Supremes to everyone left alive south of the Equator,
* Microsoft will travel back in time to the year 280 million BC and teach Dinosaurs the wonders of Windows XP ..
"It's going to be a great game this year" ABC promises.
"Especially that opening Coin Toss. Don't blink or you might just miss it!"