Written by jd Balderdash
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Topics: Mars, Congress

Saturday, 31 December 2005

image for Bush: ' I want a Man in the CENTER of the Earth by 2012'
Artist's conception, 2012

Congress agrees that Bush's "Mars program" will have to be put on hold if the President insists on putting a man in the middle of the planet by 2012. Senator Trent Lott said, "We simply don't have enough funds to send a man to the earth's core AND Mars too. Reminiscent of JFK's historic, "I want a man on the MOON by 1969!" speech, President George W Bush, seeking to etch his name in history next to JFK's said, "I want a man in the center of the EARTH by 2012!."

One reporter at yesterday's revelatory Presidential press conference asked,

"Mr President, that proposed craft of yours, the one that will take the folks to the center of the earth .. It looks like nothing more than a Space Shuttle flipped upside down."

Bush replied,

"OK you got me. But, it's a Space Shuttle flipped upside down WITH burrowing capabilities .. like a gopher. I've instructed NASA to come up with a way for those shuttles to shoot laser beams and sub-tomic whatever the others out of their noses and burrow THROUGH the earth's crust til they hit the core. By the year 2012 NASA assures me that this will be possible." The president went on to say,

"Plus, we'll be able to save the taxpayers of the year 2012 tons of money by recycling our old shuttles. Assuming one of them MAKES it to the year 2012."

Scientists speculate .. what would it be like in the exact geometrical center of the earth. Would you fall up? Would you fall down? Which way IS up? Which way is DOWN?. Renowned physicist Stephen Hawkings explained ..

(static, crackle, whistle .. whirrrr .. "is this thing ON?")

"Gravity at the center of the planet is non-existent. Any object at that center will essentially become weightless falling neither up nor down. Now, about my new book .."

Face the Nation's Tim Russert spoke with the President about his earth's core initiative ..

RUSSERT -> What do we hope to gain by sending a man to the center of the earth Mr President?

BUSH -> From those movies I used to see as a kid, lots. I know it's 4000 miles straight down but we can do it I tell you. If WE don't get to the center of the earth first, Bin Laden or Saddam Hussein and his WMD's will. America CANNOT let that happen.."

NASA Administrator, Michael Griffin told reporters that this was the FIRST that he'd heard of the President's "earth's core initiative" but if Congress was PAYING for it all .. then, "what the heck". Griffin, not the President's biggest fan went on to jest,

"Who knows, maybe June 5th, 2012 here in mission control we'll hear

"Houston? The Gopher has landed. That's one small step for man (crackle) .. one giant leap for George W Bush."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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