An unnamed, albeit reliable, source has confirmed that the remains of former Soviet extraterrestrial orbiter, Yuri Gagarin, were recovered in the South Pacific commingled with trace amounts of Chinese space junk that recently returned to planet Earth.
More than one neighbor of the lone eyewitness, who wishes to remain anonymous, confirmed that the most probable explanation for the harmless re-entry of China's Tiangong-1 space station was almost certainly due to the fact that Mr. Gagarin himself piloted the flotsam to its final destination into their neighbor's back yard.
"It's sad that the major news outlets like to repeat that the space debris landed haphazardly in the middle of nowhere", said the most elderly living resident of the tiny island where the majority of the remainder of the space trash -- and Colonel Gagarin -- ultimately landed. "In reality, this is our home," he continued. "Imagine if this were your home, and Yuri Gagarin (or what's left of him) suddenly plummeted down from the sky without any warning whatsoever..." he trailed off.
