Chinese government spokesman Wun Hung Lo has just announced that Australia is now part of China.
Speaking from his Beijing penthouse spa Lo said "Using Great Leader For Life Or Eternity, which ever takes longer's, credit card, re haf now bought evely house on the Austlalian continent. Re haf bought evely Austlalian farm and re haf bought evely Austlalian iron ore and coal mine.
"The bits in between are owned by the Aboliginals so norring will happen rere. So rhat makes Austlalia Chinese tellitoly and rext week re are flying in trenty fie mirrion of our people to rive in their houses and to run the farms and rhe mines."
Australian Foreign Minister Julie Ligjt Blue Rinse String of Gifted Pearls Bishop protested in the strongest terms at the Chinese announcement.
"These are blatant lies. We in fact have ensured there is one house in Southern Tasmania the Chinese haven't purchased and that means they can't just move in like that. We shall raise this matter in the strongest terms at the UN."
Prime Minister Malcolm Bullshite was speaking at the Australian Yum Cha Festival in Noosa and was unavailable for comment.