Joseph Stalin is back. Or at least he might be come the spring, when the thaw sets in. Kremlin insiders have revealed that Uncle Joe is cryogenically frozen and they are just waiting for the right moment to release him into world politics again.
Stalin, the mercurial genius behind such events as the Great Purge-"fuck it, I think I'll kill millions of innocent people"- and the liquidation of the Kulaks-"fuck it, I think I'll kill millions of innocent people-may soon be stalking the corridors of power once again.
Yevgeny Bastardkov of the FSB said "To be honest, we find Putin to be a bit soft. We want traditional Russian policies in a traditional Russian setting. Stalin offers us an alternative to the liberal ways of Vladimir Putin. If we can't get Stalin we might try Gordon Brown. He's our kind of leader."
Stalin has been remembered at today's ceremony to mark Defender of the Nation. For some Stalin is a hero. Alexander Dumbov said "I admire Stalin. The way he had other members of my family rounded up and shot was pure class. The torture I endured at the gulag in Siberia was masterful. I'd welcome him back." such sentiments are typical in a land where alcohol consumption is way out of control.
We approached Joe Stalin for an interview. as yet he remains tight lipped, however we think we heard him mumble "fuck it, I think I'll kill millions of people."