Written by Skoob1999

Friday, 22 January 2010

image for Fusilli Family Deny Mozzarella Racketeering
A Pizza Kindly Donated By The Goombah Brothers.

Don Fredo Fusilli, capo of the famous Fusilli Mozzarella and Meatball Corporation of Sicily flatly denied today that his organization had anything to do with quantities of cow's milk being found in products purporting to be 100% pure buffalo mozzarella.

The Fusilli family have long been suspected of involvement with the Sicilian mafia, and the Naples based Camorra, but thus far the ever diligent Carabinieri have been unable to make anything stick.

Until government chemists discovered that certain consignments of mozzarella cheese contained cow milk.

"We haven't figured out yet how they're laundering money through this scam," State Prosecutor Pietro Pinnochio told us. "But we'll get to the bottom of it in the end, this topping scam, and then we'll come down on the Fusilli family with both feet and a bat."

Don Fredo Fusilli was unfazed, and laughed off suggestions that he was about to take a fall.

"I ain't fallin' no place," he told our petrified reporter. "Dat sleazegag Berlusconi and his consiglieres up in Roma, dey bin tryin a take da famiglia down for generations. I ast youse guys: Who would be dumb enough ta run a scam wit mozzarella cheese and fuckin' cow's milk? It's like sump'n outa a Mel Brooks movie fer Chrissakes. Goddam guvmint got no clue what they doin'. An in any case, I frickin' HATE mozzarella. Damn stringy shit is all it is. Gimme meatballs an tagliatelli anytime. Wit sauce."

At which point we made our excuses and left the presence of this clearly dangerous man.

More when we stop shaking. Like leaves.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Italy, Pizza, Mafia, cheese

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