Yank Murderess' appeal sparks outrage!

Funny story written by Ulver

Monday, 7 December 2009


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The not at all mad "Foxy" Knoxy today

The Italian Government reacted with righteous indignation today as a war of words broke out with the USA over the Amanda Knox deviant sex murder trial.

The Italian Prosecutors in the case were outraged that their decisions and the processes of the Italian judicial system had been called into question, while newspapers published front page comments that they would not take 'lessons from America.'

Don Ravioli Perugian Justice Minister said today, "Ey let us face it paisan dese Yanks they tell us how to run our bidness dey can go fecke themselves!"

And let's face it, hypocrisy is a bit of an American habit these days, imagine the country who invented friendly fire, the OJ Simpson Trial, extraoridinary rendition and Guantanamo bay suggesting that another democracy's legal system is flawed is a bit pot, kettle, black !

It came as it was reveled that hatchet-faced US Secretary of State Hilary Clinton had stated that she would be looking into Knox's case after Marie C*ntwell, the US Senator in the sexual deviant murderess' home state of Washington, said she was 'concerned' about the trial." When asked why she stated "America is one of the safest countrys on earth, our people just don't go abroad and start killing people, also Italian Ice Cream isn't all it's cracked up to be either."

Knox, 22, has been jailed for 26 years after being found guilty of the brutal sex murder of UK student Meredith Kercher, 21, who was found semi-naked and with her throat slashed, a note signed in blood saying "I did this love Foxy Knoxy" has been discounted by America's top forensic investigators as "not meaning anything at all".

The Killer's former lover Raffaele Sollecito, 25, was also found guilty and given 25 years, while a third suspect, Ivory Coast drifter Rudy Guede, was sentenced to 30 years after a fast track trial in October 2008.

Italian fury has quite rightly been quick and violent, in daily paper the "Pizza Paisan" Italian justice reporter Cornholle Della Butix stormed: 'Once again here we have one a rule for da American accused of de crime abroad - it doesn't matter if dey are a innocent or a guilty all that counts is their Yankee passaporta.'

Its story on Clinton's involvement added that the Yanks had been reacting as if "killer" Knox had 'ended up in the hands of some third world regime,' and said: 'America is just waiting to send a platoon of Marines over to rescue the murdering bitch.'

The United States allows the death penalty for minors in some states, they invade countries for oil, trump up reasons to lock people up without charge and dine out on terrorism aqnd extremism as an excuse to erode civil justice around the globe, yet they flip their lid when a deviant sex killer gets locked up. Hmmm this reporter for one smells a sizeable rat, albeit one that has died naturally and has not been cooked and eaten as part of a reality show in the UK.

Italian President Rampant Berlusconi said today 'if Hilary Clinton wants to get her knickers in a de twist over Foxy de Knoxy perhaps she can pay me a visit, I'll untwist dem for a her oh yes!'

There was also criticism of Senator C*ntwell's suggestions the trial was anti-American as many pointed out that 'an Italian deviant killer Raffaele Sollecito, was also imprisoned.'

Italian Justice Minister Dolmio Four-Seasons said today,

"This case went before 19 judges in the end at various levels from a preliminary hearing, through to three levels of re-examination and all found in the prosecution's favour, let's face it if Knox was an Afghan goatherding "Terrorist" then she wouldn't have even seen a court room let alone 19 Judges.'

Judge Giancarlo Ciabatta said he was giving Knox 26 years and Sollecito 25 years instead of life because of their 'young age, clean records and Knox's promise of a gobble behind the court house.'

Questions have been raised as to the reasons for Knox receiving an extra year on her sentence, but we are led to believe that this is due to the Italian Trading Standards Service prosecuting the boot faced psycho for trade descriptions' offences for the use of the term "Foxy" in her online "killbook" profile.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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