Paraguayan Kidnappers Feast On Demands.

Funny story written by Nick Hobbs

Tuesday, 12 January 2010

image for Paraguayan Kidnappers Feast On Demands.
A cow, yesterday.

The stakes in a stand off between Paraguayan kidnappers who snatched a local rancher have been upped this morning.

The kidnappers are demanding over £3 million for the farmers release and have already called for thirty of his cattle to be given to local poor communities.

In a hand written note sent to police chiefs this morning, the kidnappers are now demanding 3750 burger buns, 26 pints of Heinz ketchup (no other make will suffice, it's just not tomatoey enough), 98 heads of lettuce and 32 pints of American-style hot dog mustard, hold the onions.

Police Commissioner Zapaazilli said of the note, "they're mad, where can we source that much sauce?"

Heinz have refused to comment on whether they are willing to provide the ketchup, but a neighbour of the victim has offered all 98 heads of lettuce.

The burger baps are already on route from Kingsmill in England. We await to see if they'll still be fresh on their arrival in Paraguay.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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