GMO firm indicted in kidnap case

Funny story written by Helen Tarnation

Thursday, 3 December 2009

image for GMO firm indicted in kidnap case
Mensanta Kidnap Vehicle

FLINTSVILLE - A federal grand jury has handed down an indictment charging genetically modified organism (GMO) firm Mensanta with kidnaping and other charges related to forcing a farmer to purchase seed.

Vangina Shava, a prominent GMO expert from India, has long claimed that multinational conglomerates that sell GMO seed force farmers to come back and buy more GMO seed each year, but until now, it has been unknown how they accomplish this.

'I had just finished harvesting my crops and was minding my own business', says alleged kidnap victim Melvin Snively, 'and all of a sudden these guys in business suits show up and announce they're from Mensanta'.

He said they spoke slowly and with a strange accent, as though English were not their native language.

'All of a sudden', Snively says, 'I was surrounded by a bright light, and woke up inside of a saucer-shaped object. The Mensanta representatives said that if I didn't buy more GMO seed for planting next spring, that they would shoot me with their gene guns and perform GMO experiments on me.'

'Naturally, I pulled out my checkbook instantly.'

He said that after writing a check for $128,350 and signing a contract 'about six inches thick', he was instantly returned to his living room -- and there was no sign of Mensanta representatives having been there.

'The only real proof I have is that the check cleared the bank', Snively added.

A spokesman for Greenprice International, the Amsterdam-based multinational that is seeking control of the world's food supply, said that the indictment was only the first of many more to come.

'We've long known that the giant multinationals were forcing farmers to repurchase GMO seed every year', said spokesman Henedikt Baerlin. 'Now that we know how they do it, many more victims will be coming forward.'

Mensanta did not respond to requests for comment.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more