According to Moscow correspondent Earl "Pulitzer" Gray, the cafes and vodka martini bars are alive with the rumour that Vladimir Putin has pulled off the coup of the century by sweet talking America's "Innocent Abroad", Barry Obama, into giving up the entire missile defense plan for the US in exchange for a Faberge Egg that Michelle fancied.
Putin, who recently won $125M dollars at the country's first Texas Hold 'em Poker tournament when all 12 of the other contestants folded on the first hand under his withering glare, appears to have won with yet another bluff.
TV cameras at the tournament revealed Putin held the 3 of clubs and the 9 of hearts when he 'went all in" prior to the 'flop', and casually mentioned to his competitors that he would be happy to treat them all to 'cocktails' after the tournament 'win, lose, or draw.' Apparently the reference to Putin's favorite method of deterring opponents by treating them to a 'Plutonium Martini" was enough to convince the rest of the players at the table that they all were holding "a dead man's hand".
Gray, The Correspondent in Moscow for just under a year, and award winning journalist for some of his stories and investigative reports, filled in some of the details.
According to Earl, Obama would be sending a 'Peace Coalition" consisting of John Kerry, Barbara Boxer, Dianne Feinstein and headed by Nancy Pelosi to meet at Putin's Dacha and turn over the highly top secret long range missile defense shield plans for the US, in return for a handshake from Putin that he would only supply Iran with short range missiles capable of reaching Israel,'but not one inch further" according to Earl's source.
Meanwhile back in Washington, a badly politically battered Obama, who hasn't gained one victory or an ounce of respect since his election, has cranked up the teleprompters declaring the accord signifies "PEACE IN OUR TIME!"
Meanwhile on ESPN, announcers are speculating that OBAMA could be the first repeat winner of the no longer prestigious Nobel Peace Prize if he doesn't fall prey to a Tiger Woods type penile implosion.
Earl, over a few more Stoly's on the rocks and some Beluga, whispered that the real deal maker was the Faberge Egg Putin allegedly 'borrowed' from the Moscow museum. Apparently this particular one had a special meaning for the first lady and has rarely been seen outside a special locked and monitored Museum viewing area. Earl swears that when the Egg is folded open it shows Catherine the Great being serviced by a rather large Donkey and has left everyone who has seen it 'breathless!"
Once again, the Great Communicator has made an ASS out of U and ME.