Written by matwil

Thursday, 24 December 2009

image for 'Walk On The Bland Side' by Barack Obama released
'Heroin, be the - and let us not go around the houses about it like a waffling windbag - er ...'

As a tribute to the great American song writer Lou Reed, President Barack Obama today brought out his version of 'Walk On The Wild Side'. These are the lyrics:

'Barack came from Hawaii, USA
Hitch-hiked his way to Illinois-ay
Whitened his skin on the way, Put on an act to hint he was gay

Hey Barry, take a walk on the bland side
Hey Barry, take a walk on the dumb side

Hillary came out from the Isle of Whitening
In the backroom she was nobody's darling
But she never lost her head, even when she saw Monika giving head

She said, Hey Bill, you're my ticket Presidently
She said, Hey Sugar, I like girls bestly
And the colored girls sing 'Doop, be doop, be doop, another moron, be doop, be doop, be dooby do
'Doop, be doop, be doop, a token one too, be doop be doop, be dooby do'

Little George never made sense all day
US taxpayers now pay and pay
A war crime here, a war crime there
New York City's the place where, they say
Hey George, send your jets to the Twin Towers
I said, Hey George, you're like Austin Powers

Sugar Plum Fairy came and hit the streets
Lookin' for soul food and a place tae greet
Began to write for DeSpoof.com
You should've seen us yawn yawn yawn

We said, Hey Sug, take a lesson in writing
All wrong

Bush Junior is just drinking away
Thought he was his Dad for a day
Then I guess he was so limp
Cocaine would have calmed that chimp

I said, Hey George
Take a walk on the mad side
I said, Hey Yanks
Take a lesson in satire
And the colored girls sing ...

Satire is 4,000 years old today
But has never reached the USA
A movie here, a movie there
And Yanks believe they saved UK

I said, Hey Yanks
Take a walk to a book shop
I said, Hey Barry
You're the worst of the crop

Tony was just fading away
Thought he was Hugh Grant for a day
A long pause here, an 'er' and 'um'
He still makes Barry look real dumb

But hey, Tone
Take a walk down to The Mall
For a threesome
With Cherie and Carol

Heather is just doin' swell
A sexy girl who sent Sir Paul to hell
A porn flick here, a court case there
Hell hath no fury - a one-foot belle

I said, Hey Heather
Take a walk on your right side
I said, Hey Babe,
You'd sure suit my bedside

Madonna is now the last famed Yank
Now that Tiger went and drove and drank
Old enough to be a granny
Cohen said she looks a tranny

I said, Hey Madge
At least there's no op scars
I said, Hey Madge
More wrinkles than Mars Bars

Dumbya thought he was a mad baboon
Drank a pint of bourbon and then soon
Gibbered pish, mixed up some coke
Turned his land into a joke

I said, Hey George
You're a brain-addled monkey
I said, Hey George
Just your Daddy's flunky

Barack is a grinning cheesy clown
Said he'd leave Iraq but soon backed down
A windbag that makes Bush sincere
And seems a little ginger beer

I said, Hey Barry
Take a course in more lying
I said, Hey Barry
Don't mention children dying (in Gaza)

And the colored girls sing ...

(Words we can now, in the fullness of time, say were written by Barack and let us not forget Obama; Music by A Scouse Git; tea made by Heather Mills-and-Boon; slapstick by George 'Baboon Boy' Bush;

helium, cocaine, and anything illegal sniffed by that Baboon; whiskey by Old Kentucky's Ghastly Sweet Girlie Drinks Inc; pizzas by Alfonso 'Fore!' Capone; Gaza Strip air strikes on civilians by American-backed Israeli Defense Force;

disgraceful silence about it from the supposedly most powerful man in the world by Token Obama; backing vocals by Mick McCarthy and the Barnsley Coal Field Choir; Ringo Starr's drumming by Sir Pale Mackerel; voodoo doll with pins in it by Lady Jane Mackerel-Ffilly-Tasty)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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