Great Rift Valley, AFRICA - Archaeologists have found the earliest documented manmade pornographic images, estimated to be over 100,000 years old. Previously, an 1854 photograph of Mary Todd Lincoln's calf was thought to be the earliest pornography on record.
Scientists dubbed the image 'The Jockey,' as it is a cave painting depticting a figure of a nude woman 'riding' a horse. The image was protected by a sticky white 'glaze' which the archeologists have not been able to identify.
Archeologists have not yet finished excavating the site, stating that they are waiting on a shipment of supplies necessary to protect the integrity of the dig. Our reporters have confirmed that seven cases of tissues and two dozen bottles of lotion have been sent to the dig site.