Miss California taking it from both ends on Internet images

Funny story written by The San Francisco Onion

Thursday, 7 May 2009


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image for Miss California taking it from both ends on Internet images
Prejean says the media haven't dug deep enough to penetrate to the heart of the matter.

VISTA, CA - With her pink-panty clad, topless image recently appearing on the Internet, it would appear reigning Miss California Carrie Prejean, 21, has her hands full, getting plowed in the media, really taking a pounding from every side.

Miss Prejean, 5' 11", claims that, on one hand, she was already getting it good after her controversial answer to Perez Hilton's question about same-sex marriage during the 2009 Miss USA pageant. Though Prejean, 35", 26", 36", had her ass subsequently tapped by the National Weddings Organization (NWO) for the lip service, she says advocates for same-sex marriage have been sticking it to her relentlessly ever since.

On the other hand, with the recent unveiling of partially-nude photos of Prejean, clearly in violation of the pageant's "no partially-nude photos being unveiled" rule, she now says the whole thing has blown up in her face, as she's been unfairly targeted, the victim of an unwarranted "head shot." Prejean, whose turn-ons include men in uniform and mechanical bulls, says the media haven't dug deep enough to penetrate to the heart of the matter. The photos "have been released surreptitiously to a tabloid Web site that openly mocks me for my Christian faith," she moans.

Pageant officials see it differently. "We're more concerned with the fact that she surreptitiously signed a contract with a 'no partially-nude photos' clause," says Hugh Halfner. "She agreed to terms for subsequent disqualification, knowing full well these images were still floating around out there somewhere." He says the images reveal even more, uncovering Carrie Prejean as a person "who will lie, still, if it means she'll get what she wants in the end," then expect not to be treated like the "bad girl" she is when "stripped bare" of the deception, exposed in the act for all to see.

Despite the fact that Prejean, whose turn-offs include deviant homosexual behavior and moral depravity, has a noted indifference to certain signed documents, same-sex marriage advocates have nevertheless successfully petitioned for more than 50,069 signatures of individuals willing to give up their right to enter a same-sex marriage in accordance with Old Testament scripture. In exchange, they say, should possible Palin protégée Prejean ever get a divorce someday, they want the right to participate in her public stoning, a la Old Testament scripture.

Meanwhile, fallen angel and all-around bad guy The Devil continued to demonstrate masterful utilization of digital technology to promote sinful behavior and lustful pleasures of the flesh. In accordance with his will, millions of idolatrous heathens, pagan fornicators and graven image worshippers across the US took things in their own hands, downloading provocative images of a pretty, 17-year old, fair-haired girl from America's land of milk and honey, her smooth, God-fearing body lithe and gloriously naked, save for a pair of pink panties.

Nevertheless, just who's getting jerked around in this sticky situation is difficult to say. Conservatives, who are usually hard even on soft porn, may very well go soft this time, mainly because of their drive to go down even harder on same-sex partners.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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