London, England - Shares more than tripled in value for the number one web-based satire company, thespoof.com, on the FTSE today following unconfirmed rumours that TheSpoof.com boy wonder CEO, Mark Lowton is stepping down.
Lowton, from Lancaster, England and Pattaya, Thailand has been the driving force behind TheSpoof.com since he founded the Cinderella company whilst writing graffiti on the toilet stall walls in London's Marble Arch.
Wunderkind Lowton could not be reached for comment, but his electronically tagged pigmy friend, Jesus Budda, consented to speak with reporters about the rumours. "Mark and I are really close, extremely close, which is uncomfortable for me a lot of the time because of the difference in our heights," revealed the 1.0 meter tall Jesus.
"Unless I was hoodwinked, I'm sure he would have said something to me if he were leaving TheSpoof.com, the last time I looked at him squarely in the eye," declared Budda, who then had to end the interview to remove a long curly 'eyelash' from his own eye.
Industry analysts debated why TheSpoof.com stock had skyrocketed amid rumours of Lowton's departure. Leading UK entrepreneur and star of The Apprentice, Sir Alan Sugar speculated that TheSpoof.com shareholders were jubilant because Lowton was pandering to the lowest common denominator of readership.
"I'm a regular TheSpoof.com reader," confessed Sugar, "and frankly I'm appalled by all the smut that masquerades as wit, parody and satire on that website. It's all Lowton's doing, that little guttersnipe."
A well-rehearsed Sir Alan dictated, "Lowton, you're fired!"
Major shareholder Whiney Houston echoed Sir Alan Sugar's words. "Mark, you know I will always love you and you light up my life. But if you stay on, I will have nothing, nothing at all."
Regardless of all the negative sentiments from the financial world, publishing colleagues were unanimous in heaping praise and other steamy euphemisms upon Lowton.
Rival satire rag, The Onion, stated in an editorial, "Mark Lowton is a force to be reckoned with in the world of satire. If it weren't for Lowton, obscure and pretentious toilet graffiti artists and idiom-bandits in the UK and USA would be knocking on our doors. Heaven help us if he is truly leaving TheSpoof.com."
Meanwhile at the sprawling TheSpoof.com corporate headquarters in Lancaster, Mark Lowton's cubby and glory hole office under the stairs remained more darkened than usual.
Security guards reported they had seen a heavily disguised Lowton wheel barrowing his moustache and top five spoof writers, Buckwheatsbutt, queen mudder, monkey woods, Jalapenoman, and Pointer into a waiting white van. The motley crew was later spotted at Heathrow airport boarding a flight to Pattaya, Thailand.