The United Nations has declared that nothing funny will happen in the news for the next two weeks. These "Days of Soberness and Deep Thought," if successful, may become an annual even.
From July 25th thru August 10th (maybe 11th), no amusing anecdotes will occur. No Hollywood starlet will say or do something stupid. Amy Winehouse will stay sober. Britney Spears will retain her underwear (and no one will get to see it). Miley Cyrus, Paris Hilton, and Lindsay Lohan will not be seen or heard from.
In addition, George Bush will be gagged to keep him from saying anything. Dick Cheney will have his guns taken away. Suicide bombers will all be granted rudimentary intelligence to see that they are being stupid (but only temporarily, due to religious reasons).
Also, all golf scores will be at par and the home teams will win all sporting events by one score (basket, goal, run, etc., depending on the individual sport). No funny speeches or ridiculous opening ceremonies will permit the Olympics to be funny (intentionally or not).
The U.N. hopes that this allows people around the world to see how much they need to laugh, and how much the world needs The Spoof.