The best version: Long ago, an old satanist named Geppetto was caught shoplifting in his village. He was sent to a dungeon where he was tortured without mercy. His hands and head were put in a Pillory and afterwards fire ants were placed on them w…
Washington, D.C.- Vice President, Mike Pence, doesn't get the broad powers to pardon prison sentences for his sordid array of scumbag pals. Hell, he doesn't even get to pardon the damn turkey. But on his last day in office, Pence did take the time…
China, always eager to better its position both economically and militarily in the world has taken the Giant Trash Pile swirling about the currents of the Pacific Ocean and made an 'amusement park' out of it. Starting by netting all the floating d...
President Extraordinaire, Donald Trump, has bought the entire island of Greenland from the Danish government. At first, the Danes were not happy at parting with a vast piece of property roughly 50 times the size of their own native homeland of Denm...
Our ever-vigilant super spy drone has done it again! It managed to record the so called 'historic' meeting between big-wigs Vladimir 'the Impaler' Putin and Kim 'Moe haircut' Jong Un. And it did it without the former KGB agent or the Pilsbury Doughbo...
Noooooooooooooooo! It can't be! It's inhumane! Its monstrous! It just can't be true! IT CAN'T BE PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN SEASON AGAIN!!!!!!! It seems like the last one just ended. I still haven't recovered from that one yet. The scars haven...
1. What is fine dining to the Blond President? Anything on the Value Meal menu at McDonald's. 2. How does the Blond President find a new wife? He goes to the Walmart Discount East European Find A Sexy Wife website. 3. What did the Blon...
They say that using pot has no lasting effects on the brain. Well, I have an ongoing experiment in that very field of study in my own apartment everyday. Living in a work apartment brings one into contact with people one normally would never meet,...
A new report published this year by urdata4us has revealed that 50% of people “just don’t get it”. It has been found that most people believe that at least one person in their lives “doesn’t get it”. A similar study counter-acted these claims by sugg...
While the rest of us were sitting down for Christmas Dinner, our Commander In Chief was working out a tough situation in the White House bathroom. After hours of pushing, it seemed the deal was just not going to gain the necessary backing to meet th...
We figured out what's behind the obesity epidemic plaguing liberal woman everywhere. And it's not what you think.. Liberal millennial women from all walks of life have decided to put their differences aside and work together, seeking answers to t...
Jack Mehoff, a new prisoner at Oregon State Penitentiary, was involved with the escape of Dick Smalley, a psychopath who has killed over 46 people in Salem, Oregon. Charged for helping with an escape, he claims it was an accident, the main factor bei...
Armidale, NSW - BA student Kyle Sanders, boarding in university accommodation, reportedly left the bathroom yesterday following a 'comfort stop' in which he used only 4 squares of toilet paper, the bare minimum required to avoid having to change the...
Hipsters, douche-bags, failed musicians, and people without many friends alike need to buy their guitars and fast. As summer rolls around, the beaches of the coasts are going to be flooded with morons, failing college students, hot babes and guys...
At 5:56 p.m on August 11, 2014, Christiansberg, Virginia police received a call from inside the Christiansberg Retirement Home. On the other line was a frightened employee who claimed that the entire home was being taken over by riot. I am as sho...
Your Home, USA - Sources have reported that the child you have abandoned years ago is on your front step right now and is gearing up to knock on your door. The child, who was conceived 13 years ago at a Red Roof Inn Motel out by the airport, has t...
Another brutal day at work. Another round of layoffs hit your firm so you grudgingly accept Fate's cruel hand and settle into the humdrum monotony of missed deadlines, angry emails, and screaming bosses. You finally arrive at your sanctuary: home, a bastion of refuge against the assaulting waves of crap called life. As you kick off your shoes, the glow of a portable screen plastered to the face of...
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