Robert Mugabe today offered assistance with the outbreak of xenophobic attacks in neighbouring South Africa.
"This is completely unacceptable behaviour and needs to be firmly dealt with" he told the Dispatch correspondent. When questioned on what assistance he would provide he responded "We in Zimbabwe have trained personel in our CIO (Central Intelligence Organisation) that know how to deal with troublemakers like that. After all, they are mostly MDC (Movement for Democratic Change) supporters that are being funded by the Colonial Demons. The South Africans have a undeniable democratic right to beat up foreigners, even if they are Zimbabwians".
Asked if he would provide any material aid, he responded "Zimbabwe stands ready to donate Billions and Billions of dollars to those patriotic South Africans cleaning out the chaff (MDC supporters in exile), as we are busy printing them as fast as the printers can run the printers. We don't have world record inflation rates for nothing" he said.
"In addition, we can give them sophisticated modern arms from a shipment just received from China to speed up the process. Sticks, stones and machetes are unprofessional and only for amateurs".
On the situation in Zimbabwe he said "We are just putting the finishing touches to our campaign for the Run-Off Election. By the time the voters go to the polls we are sure there will be no opposition candidates to vote for".
He also mentioned he was happy with the Food Aid donated to Zimbabwe by the imperialist, colonialist, demonist countries. "This will definitely ensure our re-election as we will make it a law that only ZANU-PF supporters will get any" he said.
