Martians Invade but, incredibly, life continues as it has for countless years.

Funny story written by Clifford Rutley

Saturday, 19 April 2008

image for Martians Invade but, incredibly, life continues as it has for countless years.

The day before yesterday, the Martians invaded Earth, but it seems incredible to me that people are still going on with their lives as though nothing serious has happened.

'Did you see East Enders last night?' Mrs Susan Knowles said to me as I came to her house to interview her on the cylinder that was unscrewing in her garden.

I tried to play along with her deluded version of reality by saying, 'Sorry no I missed it.'

'Oh it was terrible. I never knew he was sleeping with his cousin.'

I didn't know what she was talking about so I quickly took a picture of the craft that had crash landed behind her house and, noticing the heat ray funnel rising, I decided to sip up the rest of the cup of tea she had given me and take my leave.

As I ran back to my car, a large metal monster, taller than a steeple, rose from the depths of the pit and proceeded to trample and smash through all the houses in the street. I wondered why there didn't seem to be any panic as the various householders were vaporised by the heat ray, but I now realise why they all seemed so oblivious to what was happening. It was that time in the evening when Coronation Street is on so it was obvious that all things to do with reality were meaningless and side issues to these people.

Next day I was watching a press interview on the White House lawn with President George Bush, who was still telling us about the threat of Al-Qaeda and that we must submit to have more of our freedoms taken away from us in order to combat it, as the foot of a tripod swung down from above and flattened him.

Then, on Sky Movies, Al Gore was in his special pre An Inconvenient Truth showing interview telling us how we are apparently killing the planet with the life giving gas called CO2 that plants breathe and turn into oxygen and food. He was telling us this as a Martian drained him of all his living blood and injected it straight into its veins - and all of this was happening whilst red weed was starting to take root all over the planet.

And as I now look out of my living room window, I see London dead, apart from the drone of the New Wembley, which echoes to the sounds of a cup final, completely oblivious to the tripods that are surrounding the stadium in preparation of simultaneously firing their heat rays.

Perhaps god, in his ultimate wisdom, has decided that all things on this Earth are useless and they deserve to be wiped out and forgotten forever.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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