Written by Harry Porter

Thursday, 5 April 2007

image for Iran Proves a Cut Above the Rest
An Iranian Prince Charles lookalike models a Karaj-style suit.

Iran has raised the fashion stakes in the lucrative hostage market - The garish Guantanamo orange all-in-one overalls with heavy chain bling is now so yesterday, following the stunning release of the 15 British sailors and marines by the government in Tehran.

Shortly after President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's announcement that the compass-illiterate Brits would be released, the servicemen stepped into the full glare of world publicity and brought gasps of amazement from the press.

Gone were the ill-fitting fatigues, scuffed desert boots and grubby khaki tee-shirts. In their place were FBI-retro sharp suits, tailored to perfection, hand-made shirts and patent leather slip-ons.

It is believed each one of the servicemen - with the exception of the drab, heavy-smoking headscarfed woman whom all the tailors gave up on - had been measured with the latest Iranian bodymetrics system.

Each stunning suit sported a classic '60s cut with flattering body line.

At a press conference later President Ahmadinejad revealed that all the lounge suits were from the Mashhad Revolutionary House and made from the finest Persian goats' wool using traditional Karaj tailoring techniques.

The linings were 100% Jabber gazelle.

The single breasted suit jacket came with a single Man from UNCLE vent, sloping pockets and three kissing cuff buttons.

"All the trousers have a button fly," continued the president, "a single pleat, one back button pocket and belt loops to fit a three-quarter inch belt.

"The crotches are reinforced with Persian silk and the entire suit is stain resistant and permanent press."

Reaction from the so-called Axis of Good Guys has been muted.

It is known that the British keep Iraqi prisoners in Littlewoods' catalogue chinos and Poundstretcher polo shirts, while the US regulation Guantanamo orange are meat processing plant workers' surplus overalls.

A spokesman for the UK's Foreign Office said: "The Iranians have a reputation of shapeless fashion, crumpled suits and lack of neckties. We believe this attire may have been imported from Thailand."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Iran, Fashion

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