Snow Blasts Oncologist's Comments as "Emboldening Cancer"

Funny story written by Kagendo

Tuesday, 27 March 2007

image for Snow Blasts Oncologist's Comments as "Emboldening Cancer"
Snow has tough words for the medical community

White House Press Secretary Tony Snow, today, blasted his oncologist for what he called "a blatant, and totally irresponsible mischaracterization of the battle against [Snow's] cancer."

"We're making progress on my pelvis." Snow said from his familiar podium, "and yes, right now things could be going better in my liver, but why does the medical community always have to focus on where the problems are, instead of focusing on the successes? Like my lungs - completely cancer-free, but you'd never know it, listening to doctors."

Snow's oncologist, Dr. Ankit Ventrakramin, defended his comments.

"I simply gave Mr. Snow an honest and professional prognosis based on his cancer having spread to the liver. This type of cancer has a very low survival rate over 5 years and not the greatest prognosis over 1 year, especially if surgery is not an option."

But Snow did not back down.

"Dr. Ventrakramin's comments are not only completely unwarranted and inaccurate, they're dangerous. Right now it is a critical time in my body. We've removed one cancerous growth, and we're starting to turn the tide against the affliction. My doctors comments, however, could serve to embolden my cancer, and turn back all the progress we've made."

While it is true that those in the medical profession tend to focus on problem areas, rather than on successes, Dr. Burns, of the Mayo Clinic, says this is neither unexpected, nor undesirable.

"We focus on the problems so we can try to fix them. What is so God damn difficult to understand about that?"

The debate rages on, but meanwhile, President Bush, has voiced his support for Mr. Snow in a speech to the National Association for the Advancement of Protestant People.

"If we fail in curing Tony Snow, it is because Dr. Ventrakramin, President Ahmadinejad of Iran, and others like them, have irresponsibly emboldened the enemy with their pessimism, therefore undermining Tony in his battle against this most deadly opponent."

Bush then gripped the podium and faced the camera, obviously choked with emotion. "Make no mistake, if Snow should succumb to this cowardly invader, we WILL deal with Iran."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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