Borat to negotiate release of British sailors

Funny story written by Jack Battler

Friday, 30 March 2007

image for Borat to negotiate release of British sailors
Blair - Pensive

LONDON--Prime Minister Tony Blair said Friday that he has asked Kazakhstan's sixth most famous man to help negotiate the release of 15 British detainees in Iran.

"The parading and manipulation of British service personnel fools no-one," Blair said one week after the capture of the sailors in Iraqi waters. "But in order to give the Iranians a chance to comply peacefully we have enlisted the considerable talents of world famous Borat to assist us in securing their release. Borat has a keen understanding of the region and will do much less whining and complaining than I would."

In a videotaped statement from Borat in preparation of the upcoming talks the now world famous actor who produced and starred in last years blockbuster comedy "Borat" said he would very much like to talk to the leader of Iran.

"I understand very much how this little Persian pipsqueak think," Borat said. "I very excite over opportunity and am soon to offer to marry his daughter if he will come to be sensible."

Blair said that Iran had nothing to gain from continuing to hold the Royal Navy and Royal Marines and that if Borat could help resolve the situation than that is all the less work that he himself had to do.

"What the Iranians have to realize is that I, as the leader of a once great country, plan to do virtually nothing but cry and complain," Blair said. "Mr. Borat on the other hand will use crude insults to try and humiliate them. I know this seems harsh but those mean mullahs have it coming."

The United Nations yesterday, met with Borat to try and urge him to be as diplomatic as possible during the talks.

"I don't want for making bad times for Iranian peoples," said Borat. "As I say many times, I greatly admire the war of terror and hope Blair and Bush will drink the blood of every man woman and child who get in the way. But I also know very well how the goat-loving Persians can twist everyone. They will be torturing on genitalia of all the men. And for the woman… they will want to make sexy with her many times. This is bad… she is not even a sister to them."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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