WASHINGTON, D.C. - (Satire News) - President Biden has just been informed by King Charles III, that one of his most beloved army regiments has sustained heavy losses at The Battle of Izyum.
POTUS said that he was told that the fighting was so intense that there was a lot of "Friendly Fire" from both sides that caused some of the injuries.
An embedded reporter with The Manchester Morning Manc, Cutter Shiloh, reported that the 707th's commander, Field Marshall Throckmorton D. Dishadilly, received shrapnel wounds to his crotch region.
Luckily for him the shrapnel was not the standard Size A shrapnel, but the much smaller Size D shrapnel.
SIDENOTE: This is definitely a setback for the 707th who had recently been victorious at The Battle of Dinipro against Russia's 19th Infantry Regiment from Moscow.
