India Floats a Boat to Catch Evil Whales

Funny story written by Ana Sian

Friday, 2 September 2022

image for India Floats a Boat to Catch Evil Whales
Shit! The Whale Turned! Battle Stations!

Well, India is as happy as a telemarketer not getting hung up on. They built an aircraft carrier! Wee!

Some Indians are proud that they now have a big boat to fight their enemies. Lots of enemies in Indian waters, are there? Is the ship named the Gandhi? That would be wonderfully ironic! Has India named any military hardware after the Prince of Peace? In America, they would happily build you an AR-15 named the Gandhi-nater!

If you look closely at the photo (well, the wake tells all), you can see the ship going in circles. Reports from confused military marine biologists have confirmed that a right whale saw the ship coming and took off (well, how fast do whales ‘sprint’?)

India is hunting an errant whale which is trying to shake loose the aircraft carrier and all those brave Indian sailors. Come on, boys (any girls, yet? Sexism takes a while to erode), catch that whale! But watch for the sharks and dolphins – especially the dolphins – they can squeak real loud and get their sonar right into the Indian brain to praise the beautiful wonder of a large piece of steel death.

Go get those enemies, India. You so bad! (The whales are quoting Monty Python: “We’re all really impressed down here, I can tell you.)

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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