TOKYO, Japan - (Satire News) - Japan's Saki News Agency has just broken the story that the country will run out of chopsticks pretty soon.
It appears that one of the forests, where 96% of the chopsticks come from completely burned down in a fire that was started by a carelessly tossed Marlboro Cigarette.
The St. Sushi National Forest fire was fed by flames from Japan's infamous Ichiro Suzuki Winds, which at times reached as high as 81 mph.
The Japanese government talked to the Norwegian government about possibly buying 4,000 of their trees.
But they were told that due to the infestation of the notorious Icelandic Skipping Beetles, virtually all of their trees have been rendered useless.
SIDENOTE: Japan plans to contact President Biden and ask him if Japan could possibly purchase 4,000 redwood trees from the Yosemite National Park.