Ukranian Flag Sales Officially up 1 Billion Percent!

Funny story written by Paul Blake

Saturday, 23 April 2022

image for Ukranian Flag Sales Officially up 1 Billion Percent!
This flag was made from a giant pair of Grandma's knickers, using sustainable methods.

Belguim — Official flag counters at The European Flag Counters Of Europe (OFCOE) Headquarters in Brussels, have released the sales figures for all European Flag Sales in the last year. Many were down...but not Ukraine!

"We didn't have enough paper to show you the actual jump in Ukranian flag sales," said Hermes Clickyfingers, ",but imagine a piece of paper that you can not even see the end of. Very, very far away from you. Yes? That's the jump in sales. Or imagine endlessly scrolling up a bar graph on your computer until you became nauseated and almost passed out. That's the jump in Ukranian flag sales from 2021- 2022."

Officially, Ukranian flag sales, (not even including bumper stickers) are up just over 1 billion percent. So if you were sitting on some shares in Ukranian flags, your ship has come in! I'd cash out if I were you.

It's estimated that by the end of the year, almost half of the people who are fleeing Ukraine, will be supporting themselves in the flag making industry. There are already two flag making colleges on the Polish border, with not enough seats for all the would-be flag makers that see the market potential.

"But!" warns our official flag counter, Mr. Clickyfingers ",there is certainly not enough silky flag material in the entire world, to make enough flags for all the people who want them."

Naturalists agree, Ukranian flag sales alone are putting a massive strain on the global spider population, which make the silky flag material. "It's not sustainable," pleads spider scientist, Dr. Erica Nafobiah. "These poor spiders are working as hard as they can, but it's just not enough. Please, make your own flags! Leave the spiders alone! Have you no mercy?"

The scientific spider community, as well as Mr. Clickyfingers, all agree, that the best idea is to take a pair of your old knickers, or old undershirt, or one of granny's old nighties perhaps, and dye that in blue and yellow, and run that up your flagpole for now.

"Do it for the spiders!" the freaky spider doctor made us add at the end of this article.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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